Qualities for a contented life
We learned about gratitude and humility - that so many people had a hand in our success, from the teachers who inspired us to the janitors who kept our school clean... and we were taught to value everyone's contribution and treat everyone with respect.
Michelle Obama
Humility
According to Leonard Sax, author of the book, The Collapse of Parenting, most parents want their children/child "to be happy, to be fulfilled, to be kind”. Leonard Sax, MD, PhD, is a practising family physician, psychologist and author of Girls on the Edge, Boys Adrift, and Why Gender Matters. In a shared consensus for the desired outcomes for our children, we also share uncertainty for how this might be achieved.
It is Sax's contention that we teach humility as the first step, as he believes it is the most important virtue for childhood. Sax's simple description of humility helps me to understand that it is being just as interested in other people as you are in yourself. Humility is all about listening when someone else is talking, instead of composing your response, rather than hearing what the other person is saying. Humility also means making a concerted effort about getting another person to share their views before imposing your own views.
Inflated self-esteem is the opposite of humility, which happens when children receive too much praise in comparison to the child's actual effort or quality of work. Sax highlights that inflated self-esteem at the age of 15 might possibly lead to disappointment and resentment by age 25. Further, when parents and teachers nurture this soaring self-esteem throughout childhood and adolescence, it may lead to a crisis of confidence after university, when a young adult realises she is not as talented as she thought, despite being told throughout her adolescent years that she was amazing.
Essentially, it comes back to cultivating the right kind of humility, which will ultimately help a young person to recognise her areas for improvement. This means she can be well prepared to understand how to take a courageous approach to taking risks. The right kind of humility leads to gratitude, appreciation and contentment. Sax clearly believes that contentment is the key to lasting happiness.
Much of the research suggests that if each person has a grateful attitude, then we are more likely to be satisfied, happier and more contented in life. Robert A. Emmons defines gratitude as "the acknowledgement of goodness in one's life... and recognising that the source(s) of this goodness lie at least partially outside the self". Similarly, the founder of the Positive Psychology movement, Martin Seligman, believes that gratitude is a skill that needs to be practised, as he explains, "We think too much about what goes wrong and not enough about what goes right in our lives. Of course, sometimes it makes sense to analyse bad events so that we can learn from them and avoid them in the future. However, people tend to spend more time thinking about what is bad in life than is helpful. Worse, this focus on negative events sets us up for anxiety and depression. One way to keep this from happening is to get better at thinking about and savouring what went well.
"For sound evolutionary reasons, most of us are not nearly as good at dwelling on good events as we are at analysing bad events. Those of our ancestors who spent a lot of time basking in the sunshine of good events, when they should have been preparing for disaster, did not survive the Ice Age. So to overcome our brains’ natural catastrophic bent, we need to work on and practise this skill of thinking about what went well."
Sax says that parents can teach children to be humble by giving them chores. He advocates that children should make their beds, pack the dishwasher, help with the lawn and garden, set the table, vacuum the floors, fold and put away the washing. He also believes that our children should have limited use of social media such as Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. In sharing Sax's advice, I hope that our parents of primary aged students feel appropriately forearmed. Sax gives some very clear examples that illustrate how our current social media culture is the complete antithesis of the culture of humility. The broadcasting of posting selfies and regular updates on self-promotion status does not fit with the idea of walking humbly.
Finally, the advice from Sax is for us to turn off the electronic devices and take our children for a bushwalk or amble along the beach. To use Leonard speak, he says "go on a camping trip. Late at night, when it is dark, take your daughter's hand and ask her to look up at the stars. Talk with her about the vastness of space and the tininess of our planet in the universe. That's reality. That's perspective".
Rowing Congratulations
Well done to all the rowers, their Coaches and our Director of Rowing, Mrs Samara Quinlan, for a mighty fine effort at the Head of the River last Saturday 29 August. The atmosphere was exciting, the water was smooth and the weather was perfect. It was a great way to end the 2020 season and I commend all of our rowers for their contribution to yet another successful Rowing season. While we were not able to have spectators at Wyaralong Dam, the Rowing Support Group, Coaches and parents all made special contributions to the camaraderie of the Rowing community.
Mrs Kim Kiepe
Principal
References:
1000awesomethings.com
brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/michelleob449072.html?src=t_humility
Emmons, R.A. (2007), Thanks! How practising Gratitude Can Make You Happier, Houghton Mifflin Company, USA
brainpickings.org/2014/02/18/martin-seligman-gratitude-visit-three-blessings
leonardsax.com